October 12, 2002

There was a satellite TV commercial a few years ago where the satellite guy confirms the racing season pass. "Stock cars," the woman confirms. The satellite guy high-fives her and gives her an "atta girl" all while the woman's mate gazes at them with a confused, incomprehensible look.

Does your mate get that all-too-familiar vacant stare when you mention NASCAR? You're a NASCAR junkie) and your mate doesn't share your enthusiasm for the sport. How You Can Find The Perfect NASCAR Mate So, what's a junkie to do?

If your mate can't even utter the words "NASCAR" or "Earnhardt," let alone consider sitting beside you during a race, it's time for some evaluation. This is an intersection where true love and true obsession meet. You can't give up the mate of your dreams just because s/he doesn't know a thing about stock car racing (and doesn't want to know a thing about stock car racing). But you also can't give up the sport you've dedicated yourself to for the last twenty or so years.

Folks, welcome to the Crossroads of Understanding. Let this be a lesson to all of you paired up race fans out there whose mates are less than enthusiastic about racing. You can have your NASCAR and the mate of your dreams, too (note the order there):

1. Be honest.

Example: NASCAR is a part of my life. You, my love, need to know that and accept it. Love me for who I am and what I obsess about, and I will do the same (even if that means tolerating your hyper dog who insists upon gnawing on everything we own).

2. Set expectations.

Note: No major life events can take place on race weekends - especially those I will attend in person. This includes our wedding (at least I'm not making you get married at Bristol), any family weddings, family reunions, birthday parties, anniversary celebrations and the like. In the event that one of our beloved children is born on race day, please consider the names Lee, Richard, Dale, Jeff, or Tony - at least for the middle name. And should my presence be required at a particular outing over race weekend, know in advance - and accept - that a mini-television and/or walkman will accompany me to said event.

3. Establish a sanctuary.

Declaration: This room heretofore will be known as my racing room. It is my haven. Please just give me that - a quiet place to watch the race, sit in the recliner, and cheer loudly for apparently no reason whatsoever. Because I love you and appreciate your patience with my obsession, I agree to keep all racing paraphernalia in said room. (OK, except for maybe that one really cool 1:43 scale Earnhardt and Earnhardt Jr. 2001 24 Hours of Daytona car. Come on, honey! We're talking the Rolex car here! Oh, and maybe the Home Depot Habitat for Humanity car. I mean, it was for charity afterall, sweetie. And maybe ...)

4. Offer an olive branch.

Note: If you're interested, I will teach you anything you care to know about racing - but only if you're interested. And here's a copy of NASCAR f or Dummies (no insult intended there, sweetie; it's just the title. Really.). Feel free to browse through it and ask me any questions - but please, not during the race. I promise that if you sit down during a race, I will not get impatient. I will not overwhelm you. I will not patronize you. Rather, I will calmly point out that my favorite driver has just made a great pit stop (and will slowly explain why).

5. Explain NASCAR loyalty and the need to shop accordingly.

Example: Budweiser is the only beer that will be allowed inside the walls of our home. Coca-Cola, not Pepsi, will be consumed at all times. Chef Boy-ar-dee is acceptable as are Ritz, Nilla Wafers, and Nutter Butters. We will use UPS, not FedEx. And yes, we will drive three miles out of the way to get gas at Texaco, rather than the Citgo right around the corner.

6. Make it clear that racing attire is always appropriately.

Lesson: My favorite Bud shirt and JR Motorsports hat are always going to be my first choice on race weekend. Please don't roll your eyes and ask me to change. And look at the bright side, honey, racing apparel is a great way to meet new people!

7. Figure racing expenditures into the family budget.

Example: Money will be spent on Daytona 500 and Pepsi 400 parties, race tickets (and related weekend travel and entertainment), racing collectibles, and magazine subscriptions. Why do we need digital cable or satellite? Quite simply, iNdemand. Enough said.

8. Establish Racing Holidays right away.

Calendar: Any races I'll attend in person. Daytona 500 - from Bud Shootout to Twin 125s to the race itself. Bristol night race. Talladega (x2). Pepsi 400 in Daytona over the Fourth of July weekend. The Winston. Both Charlotte night races (as of 2003 season). Please note that these holidays will be celebrated like any other - with no yard work, household chores, or errands done during these revered occasions. If entertaining during these events, casual, informal, SuperBowl-style parties will be in full effect. The more, the merrier. Know it, accept it, and embrace. And please, honey, no nagging.

9. Set a No-Fly Zone.

Lesson: When racing news is on television, please understand that this is a passion, and my love, grant me a moment of silence. Ditto when I seemingly rant about my favorite driver, retell a racing event, or embark in a zealous debate with fellow race fans. Roll your eyes, dear spouse, and allow this moment (or two or three) to pass without comment. Please?

And if you find that perfect, understanding mate who tolerates your obsession and grants you the time and space to properly enjoy your passion, be sure to....

10. Return the Favor.

If you allow me to watch my races in peace and quiet or attend them without nagging me about my absence, if you choose to chuckle at the extent of my obsession rather than talk at me about how I need to do something to change, I will give you a free pass for a weekend or two to indulge in your favorite pastime. I will not complain nor will I question the level of your dedication to your infatuation.

Just remember, honey - opposites really do attract. Now, that's true NASCAR love!

You can send feedback to L.M. Burke at: Insider Racing News

Seriously Sunday

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The thoughts and ideas expressed by this writer or any other writer on Insider Racing News, are not necessarily the views of the staff and/or management of IRN. Although we may not always agree with what is said, we do feel it's our duty to give a voice to those who have something relevant to say about the sport of auto racing.

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