July 9, 2001

Remember when you were three years old? Okay, maybe you don’t. But do you at least remember seeing your own children or other people’s children at that age? They test authority. They push. They twist rules and push limits and see what it takes to get what they want. They are experts at finding the loopholes that parents thought were sewn up tight.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I used to have a friend with a three year old, and she would “count”. She would witness horrible behavior from her dear sweet three year old boy, and she would tell him to stop. Of course, he wouldn’t. She would tell him again. Of course, he ignored her. The third warning was met with some sort of feigned hearing loss, as he seemed not to hear her command to cease. After that, the counting would begin. “One.... did you hear me? Two.... I’m serious.... If I get to three, you get a time out... Did you hear me? Thr------” then there was obedience.

Any expert will tell you that if a child can be taught to obey on “three”, he can be taught to obey when first told to do or stop something. Counting to three is merely teaching a child to disobey when you tell him the first time.

Wait a minute.. this was supposed to be a racing column, not a parenting column, you say? Don’t worry, it is just that. A racing column about parents and children. Just for our little example, let’s say the parents are a man named Nas, and a woman named Car. Just nicknames, you realize, to protect the privacy of the REAL parents. In the Nas/Car family, they have one child. He’s an only child, and despite all the counting in the world, their little darling boy (let’s say his name is ... hmm.... I dunno.... “Tony”) just can’t behave.

Tony beats up other little boys in the neighborhood, but in the Nas/Car family, they don’t believe in spanking. Rather, they give Tony a time out. Of course, Tony serves his time in the corner, sometimes defiantly peeling the wallpaper, other times sticking his gum underneath the dining room chair. But he serves his time. Nas and Car tell Tony that he has to be nice, but still he curses the other children until he gets himself in trouble again.

This time, Nas and Car do something drastic... they put Tony on “probation”. It’s a fancy name for a walking time out. It means nothing, really, and Tony knows that. He understands that he’s an only child, and that his parents wouldn’t do anything to risk making him run away from home or something. Tony laughs about probation, knowing that it only means that his tired parents have run out of punishment options.

His behavior doesn’t improve. Occasionally, he does a good deed, though, like helping an old woman across the street, or donating his allowance to a worthy cause. He recognizes that doing such things in private would serve no purpose at all, so before he does something nice, he tells his parents of his plans, and then he calls the town newspaper to make sure they know about it and can tell everyone what a fine citizen he is.

As soon as people start to feel good about Tony again, he knows he has sufficient credit balance on his goodwill account, and he’s free to be himself again. His rotten little spoiled brat self again. He can hit the other children again, he can throw their toys on the ground and break them, and he can call people names. Why? Because he knows his parents are powerless. They might count at him again. They might even remind him he’s on probation. They could even take away his allowance for half of next week. But he knows they won’t ever spank him. After all, in the Nas/Car family, Tony knows who’s in charge.

You can contact Carol at.. Insider Racing News