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October 31, 2002
The air is electric with anticipation. Outside Big Daddy’s on Lake Norman a small gathering waits restlessly. It’s Halloween night and NASCAR is celebrating with a costume party. It is indeed an honor to cover this event that has heretofore been a private affair. Although cameras are not allowed, I will do my best to describe the colorful costumes of the attendees. Stationed outside near the red carpet I hope to chat with the stars as they arrive. The hosts for tonight’s festivities arrive first. Wally Dallenbach and Benny Parson’s are coming towards me. BP is a sight dressed as Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Wally is sporting an ill-fitting suit and a loud tie. As they draw closer I say, “Benny, great costume. What was your inspiration?” With a Poppin’ Fresh giggle BP laughs, “Did you see me on TV in that white tee-shirt? Do you need to ask?” Turning to Wally I admit that I don’t “get” his costume. He cocks his head sideways and answers, “I tellin’ ya, I get no respect.” Rodney Dangerfield ! “No respect at all”, he mumbles. “Ain’t it the truth,” I say as they continue towards the entrance. There is a small titter from those gathered. I turn to see Allen Bestwick’s arrival. Allen is perfectly turned out, not a hair out of place; suit pressed and shoes shining. In other words, his usual attire. Allen looks straight-ahead, not acknowledging the spectators at all and walks with purpose towards the door. I call to him, “Excuse me, Mr. Bestwick…Allen? Pardon me, may I have a word with you? Why aren’t you in costume?” He turns his head slightly and looks at me as if to say, “Are you talking to me?” Without speaking he struts into the building. I think I know what he was dressed as, but this is a family site. In the parking lot all hell is breaking loose. Women are screaming and running. Was that a pair of panties I saw flying through the air? The crowd parts like the Red Sea before Moses and Dale Jr. emerges looking like a very thin Elvis. Wearing a polyester jumpsuit, his tall, lanky body is covered shoulders to boots with silver and blue sequins. Wearing gold-rimmed dark glasses, his red hair has been darkened. The Dirty Mo’ Possee is following closely, all wearing black shirts and dark glasses. His arms outstretched, JR turns towards his minions and takes a bow. Screams break out again. When he gets closer I catch his eye and ask, “JR, great concept. Could this be a statement about your life as a superstar?” In a passable Elvis voice he sings, “Just doing it MYYYY WAAAYYYY.” The women practically swoon when JR / EP gives them a wave and a wink good-bye. Elvis has left the vicinity. Vehicles are lining up as more people arrive. There’s Mike Helton dressed as the tyrannical Henry VIII. In his hand is a “bloody head” that looks suspiciously like Kevin Harvick’s. Continuing with a royal theme Bill France Jr. is King Midas. He is dressed entirely in gold and glitter is falling from his cape as he walks past. Skipping in front of Mr. France is Michael Waltrip. In NAPA blue and yellow Mikey is dressed as the king’s jester and acting the fool, as usual. Who is this attired as Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob? It’s Bill Elliott and Ray Evernham all the way from Doodyville. Jeremy Mayfield arrives as Chief Thunderthud and loud choruses of “Heeeeyyyyyyy, Jeremmmmmmy’s” erupt from the Peanut Gallery. What IS that sound, a truck? Here’s the big, brown truck. The door slides open and Dale Jarrett steps out. DJ is wearing a brown UPS uniform and cap. As he draws nearer I can’t resist asking, “DJ, did you drive the truck?” Pausing briefly Jarrett replies through clinched teeth, “I DID NOT drive the truck.” I think DJ is getting a bit sensitive about the truck. Oh no, Tough Enough is approaching now. No wait, that’s Jeff Hammond, Kenny Wallace and Elliott Sadler. In long hair and a beard Jeff is doing his best Al Snow imitation. Kenny Wallace is trying best to be as menacing as Hugh Morrus. And while not quite as lovely as Ivory, Elliott is still a thing of beauty. He is stunning in a purple halter-top and blond wig. Being a crackerjack investigative journalist I ask, “Elliott, what DO you have stuffed in that top?” Before Sadler can answer Wallace says, “Grapefruits man, big, big grapefruits.” Arriving next are Todd Bodine and Mike Wallace. Both are masquerading as Winston Cup drivers. Todd is wearing an orange #20 firesuit that he bought on Ebay. And Mike is sporting a #2 firesuit, another one of Rusty’s hand-me-downs. Following closely are Larry McReynolds and Steve Byrnes. I never noticed before but Larry Mac DOES look like Bob the Builder. And Byrnes makes a great Spongebob Squarepants. Sterling Marlin received a hearty laugh when he arrived in his Frankenstein costume with lugnuts glued to his neck brace. Jeff Gordon received a bigger laugh with a barrel draped over his torso and a sign that read “Will race for alimony.” All evening everyone was wondering what Tony Stewart’s costume would be. After he wore his Hutchens’ device to the awards ceremony expectations are high. The last guest to arrive, Tony steps from a stretch limousine. He is beautifully dressed in an Armani tuxedo. His hair has been styled and he has shaved very closely. Jaws drop as he walks towards the door. When he is closer I say, “Tony, you are looking mighty good tonight. But what are you dressed as?” He quietly replies, “Why, the Winston Cup Champion, of course.” Have a happy and safe Halloween, everyone. KUDOS to both Dale Jarrett and Dale Earnhardt Jr. for the loving messages they sent to their ailing grandmothers. Ladies, get well soon.
Other articles by Orlena Miller.. The thoughts and ideas expressed by this writer or any other writer on Insider Racing News, are not necessarily the views of the staff and/or management of IRN. Although we may not always agree with what is said, we do feel it's our duty to give a voice to those who have something relevant to say about the sport of auto racing.
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Red Carpet Revelations
