November 23, 2006

By Rebecca Gladden

Rebecca Gladden

Two things happened to me this week which, though seemingly unrelated, combined to become the catalyst for this column.

To begin with, I read an online article by syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin discussing a manifesto-turned-petition recently published by Michael Moore. Ms. Malkin explains that Moore's piece, entitled, "A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives," was strikingly similar to a column written by an internet blogger five days earlier.

Regardless of whether you credit Moore or the blogger for the article, however, the basic concept is what is important here. Moore began his piece as follows: "Dear Conservatives and Republicans, I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you ..."

He then listed a number of principles which he vowed that liberals would adhere to, worded in such a way as to illustrate what Moore sees as the sharp contrast between the beliefs of right and left-wing factions. For example, he wrote, "Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water."

(They'll "let us" breathe the air? I wonder how he would propose to stop us. But I digress ...)

The second thing that happened was that I introduced myself to someone as a NASCAR writer and he responded, "NASCAR? You've got to be kidding! How boring. Why would anyone sit around and watch a bunch of cars turn left for hours on end just waiting for someone to crash?"

Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I mean, I've never heard that criticism of NASCAR before.

I bet you haven't either.

But what really astounds me is that someone would make a statement like that to my face after I just told him about my passion for the sport.

If someone I just met informed me that he was into stamp collecting, basket weaving, synchronized swimming, Sumo wrestling, base jumping, watermelon seed spitting, or any other sport or hobby for that matter, the last thing I would do is reply with a snooty comment parroting all the prevalent misconceptions about his chosen activity.

So with the above two occurrences coalescing in my consciousness, and the 2006 NASCAR season coming to a close, I decided it's time to write my own manifesto - with all due apologies to whomever wrote the original one.

Thus I present …

A NASCAR Writer's Pledge to Non-NASCAR Fans

I hereby make these promises to you:

1. Regardless of your chosen sport, hobby or favorite activity, I won't tell you that I think it's boring, stupid, redundant, low brow, a complete waste of time, or as much fun as watching paint dry - even if I secretly think it is.

2. I won't perpetuate any ridiculous stereotypes about the regional or ethnic aspects of your sport - that all hockey players are from Canada and say "eh," or all basketball players are African-American and listen to hip-hop, for example. In return, I will ask you to acknowledge that not all NASCAR drivers are rednecks from the southeast. In fact, I won't even mention that more Nextel Cup drivers in 2006 were natives of Indiana than of any southern state.

3. I won't point out that NASCAR fans typically don't riot in the streets after their favorite team or driver wins a championship - a claim that can not be made by many other professional and college sports.

4. I will not remind you that more people watch NASCAR on TV these days than baseball, basketball, hockey, golf, tennis, or any other sport in the U.S. besides NFL football.

5. I won't tell you that NASCAR doesn't rely on scantily clad cheerleaders or quirky team mascots to keep its fans entertained, nor has it ever had a "wardrobe malfunction" on national TV. In fact, I won't mention that NASCAR drivers are reprimanded and fined if they swear during a network broadcast, even if by accident.

6. I won't point out that no one has ever claimed to watch a NASCAR race "just for the commercials."

7. And I won't discuss that there has never been a major drug scandal or steroid abuse story in NASCAR. All drivers are randomly drug tested and, while instances of failure are rare, drivers face immediate repercussions, from long-term suspension to a permanent ban from the sport for repeat offenders.

8. I won't tell you that NASCAR drivers are widely regarded by both fans and media members as some of the most humble, accessible, and likeable of all professional athletes. Dale Earnhardt, Jr., and Jeff Gordon are both ranked among the top ten fan-favorite athletes in a 2006 Harris Poll, and drivers as a whole are rarely accused of being arrogant or rude, especially to their fans. Even the team owners and crew chiefs are polite and fan friendly.

9. I will not boast about the loyalty of NASCAR fans to the sport - a rare and admirable trait in this era of fickle, fair-weather fans who would just as soon heckle their team's stars as support them. NASCAR fans are unwaveringly devoted to their favorite drivers, teams, and even the sports sponsors who, they realize, make racing possible. As they say on the commercial, NASCAR isn't a sport - it's a way of life.

10. I won't remind you that a NASCAR driver has never jumped over the catch fence into the stands to hit, spit on, or verbally accost a fan.

11. Speaking of violence, I will not mention that there is just as much potential for serious injury in most pro sports as there is in racing, particularly in light of the major safety advances that NASCAR has instituted in the past five years. And I won't insult you by claiming that you only watch ice hockey for the fights or football for the brutal hits, just as NASCAR fans don't watch racing for the wrecks. These days, NASCAR is as much about strategy as it is about a speed, and the attraction for fans is watching a chess game played at 200 miles per hour.

12. I won't gloat that NASCAR is attracting some of the most famous and accomplished drivers from other forms of motorsports in record numbers - racing superstars like Juan Pablo Montoya from Formula One, 2006 Indianapolis 500 winner Sam Hornish Jr., Champ Car driver A.J. Allmendinger, and Motorcross champion Ricky Carmichael, among others. Even the darling of the Indy Racing League, Danica Patrick, was considering a move to NASCAR earlier this year, though she has decided to stay put (for now).

13. I won't burst your bubble by informing you that NASCAR is no longer a competition between tobacco-juice-spitting local yokels and their teams of tool-toting grease monkeys. NASCAR racing is now a technology driven sport with an emphasis on aerodynamics as well as horsepower. Team owners are attracting some of the brightest minds from the best engineering schools in the nation, who play an active role in chassis design, engine building, testing and more.

14. And before you argue that NASCAR drivers aren't real athletes, I won't repeat this quote from a CNN story about the sport by Dr. Sanjay Gupta which aired last year: "You might not think to put a NASCAR driver in a marathon runner's shoes. But with the physical rigors that come with driving - mostly unseen by spectators - some industry insiders and drivers not only understand the similarity to long-distance running, but also stress the importance of being physically fit for their careers."

15. Lastly, I'll try not to rub in the fact that although NASCAR has grown to a multi-billion dollar a year industry, it still manages to maintain enough down-home charm to make fans old and new feel welcome as part of the extended NASCAR family. I won't even mention that it is the fastest-growing spectator sport in America, with an estimated 75 million fans, and that it appeals to nearly as many women as men - or that it is widely lauded as one of the most family-friendly sporting events on TV today.

Not bad for a sport that consists of making left turns and waiting for wrecks … "eh?"

The thoughts and ideas expressed by this writer or any other writer on Insider Racing News, are not necessarily the views of the staff and/or management of IRN.