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It's A Conspiracy..Or Is It?
By Rob Lambert
February 19, 2004
Good day “Race” fans. Well Daytona’s over and the rest of the inaugural Nextel Cup season looms ahead. So let’s digest the major news of the past week. For today’s excursion into NASCAR lunacy, let’s look at the “Conspiracy theorists” and their theories floating around the wonderful Internet. You know the Internet don’t you? That’s the place anyone can say anything and be believed by the people who believe that anything that happens in their miserable lives is planned by the Illuminati, The Bilderburgers, or some such group. It’s a “Conspiracy!” Of course the raced was “fixed!” Didn’t you see Elvis and JFK sitting in the 4th turn holding their phaser weapons on the remainder of the field while Dale Jr. passed Tony Stewart? The combined force fields generated by these weapons and the power beams from the invisible flying saucers that surrounded the track put up a shield that made everyone else a non-factor. It’s a “Conspiracy!” NASCAR, right in front of God and everybody, let Jr. run an illegal, super aerodynamic, 454 powered, 7/8 scale, special tired, and totally illegal car. Of course Jack Roush, FoMoCo, Rick Hendricks, Joe Gibbs, Roger Penske, ET. Al. went along and didn’t say a word. It’s a “Conspiracy!” Rusty, Bobby, Terry and the rest of the drivers went right along with NASCAR. After all, they didn’t really want to win. They always go along with what ever NASCAR says. They always do what NASCAR says. It’s a “Conspiracy!” Of course Kurt Busch was just following NASCAR’s orders when he got out of line to follow Tony Stewart instead of Jr. They wanted him to be in the aforementioned power beam and phaser combination. And we all know that Kurt Busch always does what NASCAR says. It’s a “Conspiracy!” The NASCAR officials, from top to bottom, just winked when Dale Jr.’s illegal car went through inspection. They pulled out the DEI special templates and measured his car. And they did this right in front of representatives of 44 other teams. And of course, none of these teams said a thing. After all, they didn’t really want all that money and accolades for winning “The Great American Race!” It’s a “conspiracy!” After this came the mandated shocks and the restrictor plate. Of course these shocks and plate came from the “Call” box. They were custom made by DEI and brought on the car when it was brought to Daytona. DEI then took the shocks and plate and gave them to NASCAR and these were given back to them in front of the others. And of course the other teams went right along. It’s a “Conspiracy!” Since the “Conspiracy Theorists” have to have something to gripe about, it makes perfect sense for NASCAR to not go along and feed their habits. NASCAR, whom I make a lot of noise about most of the time, is trying to become “legit”. All they need is something like a conspiracy to surface to send their credibility straight to heck in a handcart. NASCAR wants to be huge and this would put them right back with bowling, badminton, and women’s field hockey on the back pages of the “Stick and Ball” oriented sports pages. As for television, it would be big news and they would go right back to idolizing rapists, druggies, and other neer-do-wells in the other professional sports. NASCAR would have its day in the sun and would never be looked at again. NASCAR fixes a race? As much as is wrong with NASCAR’s approach to becoming a big time sport, fixing a race is not in it's best interest. The head knockers and big money people involved in NASCAR’s future would not allow this happen. The major sponsors and teams would raise holy heck and would certainly let the world know about a fix. So the next time someone says NASCAR fixes races, ask them if they can tell you how they did it. These folks have never heard of flat tires, the Bodine Brothers, or “The Big One.” All they know is what they read on the Internet. If they can tell you how NASCAR can plan around these, give them a big Cohiba cigar. Then have them call NASCAR and explain how to do it. I’m sure NASCAR would listen to them just as much as they listen to the fans.
The thoughts and ideas expressed by this writer or any other writer on Insider Racing News, are not necessarily the views of the staff and/or management of IRN. Although we may not always agree with what is said, we do feel it's our duty to give a voice to those who have something relevant to say about the sport of auto racing.
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