December 31, 2008
By Larry Van Zandt
Hello again, gang….and be patient, as I am going to bore you to tears for just a moment.
Having done the manager gig a few times with previous employers, I can understand how numbers in particular, in this case, sales figures, can be manipulated to show almost anything. I recall a particular unnamed auto parts store where I was employed as a commercial sales account manager, and how my store was the ‘showcase’ store used at a particular annual shareholder’s meeting.
Why was my store used, and what was so great about my sales figures?
Because at the time the shareholder’s meeting was in session, I had only been at my store for about three months. However, at this particular time, corporate management was comparing this particular week’s figures with last year’s sales during that same week…and the results? I had increased sales by TEN THOUSAND (10,000%) percent. Wow, that sounds phenomenal, doesn’t it? And even better? I was entirely responsible for it. And in typical corporate reward fashion, I even received an expensive VCR/DVD combo player (that broke 4 days later, and wouldn’t even turn back on) for my efforts.
Even though it all looks great on the surface, the dirty secret to this particular set of numbers is that the previous year’s sales figures were only $500 for the entire week, while I had made a huge sale to a local company that created $50,000 (and some change) in sales for the current week. However, when you consider that this particular auto parts store should have been doing close to that larger sales figures number anyway, then it doesn’t look like it is all that big a deal. THIS set of numbers wasn’t revealed to the shareholders. Instead of revealing everything, the company I worked for touted the percentages, and ignored the sales figures, because when only the percentages are being displayed, hearing something to the tune of ‘sales were increased by 10,000%!’, most people, including most skeptics, would have jaws drop a bit while looking at numbers like that.
Why did I just tell you about something so hideously boring, that most mere mortals are probably trying to claw their own eyes out in order to escape this tedious monologue?
Because NASCAR just released an incomplete set of numbers of their own.
Wow, accidents are down by 12%, huh?
I love math. Actually, I’m lying, as I hate it. However, I love how math can be manipulated to do almost anything. Got some fraudulent figures about global temperatures? That didn’t stop NASA from shrilly declaring October 2008 as the ‘hottest on record’, never mind it was revealed later that NASA deliberately (“Whoops!”) forwarded September’s temperatures into the October slot. In addition, it was also a bit hilarious to see these ‘figures’ being revealed to the world, right about the time snow was falling in various areas….some of these areas that haven’t seen snow that early in almost a century.
And now, NASCAR gives their figures about how accidents were down 12%, which I don’t deny. The problem here is the story behind the ‘figures’ being touted as a ‘success’.
Having watched countless racing accidents, and having taken a lot of time to study their causes, you can narrow down the reason for an accident into two groups:
1. Mechanical failure
2. Driver error
I don’t have a set of hard ‘figures’ here, but from the large handful of races I watched from start to finish this year, the ‘Mechanical Failure’ group of accidents had by far the largest increase….simply due to massive amounts of tire failures at key races…..anyone remember the 2008 Brickyard 400? To be honest with you, other than a small handful of ‘driver error’ accidents (Kyle Busch/Dale Earnhardt Jr, for example), I’m having some serious trouble recalling more than a few accidents that weren’t caused by mechanical failures.
A lot of times, from my experience anyway, the driver-error crashes that I have seen were caused by drivers that got too aggressive during passes. Since (NASCAR be praised!) the Car Of Some Hideous Alternate Tomorrow (COSHAT) showed up however, now hardly anybody wants to try to pass another car now! Those accidents have definitely gone down! Hooray, Car of Tomorrow!
Instead, more ‘racing’ is showing up….in the pits. If this is to be the growing trend….why have a driver at all, then? Why not just park all 43 cars on a set of moving treadways or something, and have the pit crew chase the car back and forth, with the fastest pit crews winning the ‘race’?
This focus on producing a car that doesn’t have any down force, and supposedly evens up the competition has really worked beautifully for the fans, hasn’t it? NASCAR wanted closer racing, so they created a car that was supposed to stack the field up, but instead, they created a pig of a car that is even worse about creating ‘close’ racing than the car it replaced. In addition, the ‘figures’ NASCAR released didn’t make any mention of what percentage of the fans that think the COSHAT needs to have a produce truck dropped on it, nor did they mention any ‘percentages’ of how many fans quit going to, or even watching the races…..
Notes:
Replacing Elliott Sadler with A.J. Wallbanger? Well, we shall see how that pans out. From what I recall about the 2008 season, A.J. spent more time bouncing off of the wall than Elliott did. Considering the amount of bad finishes and lack of press the GEM racing team endured during this last season, maybe they are simply so desperate for ANY attention that they think that if they can’t win races, then at maybe A.J. will get their sponsors more exposure as the ‘Wreck of the Week’ instead….any attention is good attention, right?
Did anyone else have a laugh about these ‘Official random snack foods of NASCAR’?
Official Chocolate of NASCAR (M&M'S® Brand)
Official Chocolate Bar of NASCAR (SNICKERS® Brand)
Official Cheese-Filled Snack of NASCAR (COMBOS® Brand)
Official Pet Food of NASCAR (PEDIGREE® Brand)
And in related news, newly-titled crew chief Drew Blickensderfer of the #17 Roush/Fenway/Dewalt/Whoever-Else-I-Forgot-To-Mention team has been declared the ‘Official four-syllable last name Crew Chief of NASCAR!’
NASCAR Jokes
Instead of the usual standard jokes that I wrap up with this week, I’m instead going to crack jokes about people that annoy me:
1. People who try to correct me during a NASCAR-related argument, and begin with “I haven’t seen a race in years, but…..”
2.`People who paint their Honda Accord 4-door in a ‘Dale Junior’ paint scheme….
3. People who think that there really needs to be an ‘Official Random Snack Food of NASCAR’.
4. People that complain about NASCAR racing and cars that only race in circles, but their favorite hobby is flying tethered model airplanes.
See you next year….
If at first you don’t succeed, call it the ‘Car of Tomorrow’.
You can contact Larry Van Zandt at Insider Racing News.
You Can Read Other Articles By Larry Van Zandt
The thoughts and ideas expressed by this writer or any other writer on Insider Racing News, are not necessarily the views of the staff and/or management of IRN.
